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29 August 2008 @ 06:35 am
I itch like mad. That's all.
10 March 2008 @ 07:48 pm
I came out!

So that's really, probably the effectively the end of this journal. I think I'll still be logging in here to rant from time to time, and I may use this journal to read comms, because I couldn't really keep up with them on my regular flist and have been in hiatus for some time now. I think I'll probably try to balance the accounts, but I'm not sure I'll post tons here.

I'm really proud of myself. If it weren't for Ravelry, I might have never done that. Yay ravelry. I'm going to have to donate now. :)
04 March 2008 @ 07:18 am
Still thinking about it. Determined a couple of weeks ago that my little brother is also probably an atheist, yay. We'll see.

The more comfortable I start to get with my atheism, the more reading about fundamentalists (of any type) worries me, as does reading about people ... IDK, so clearly under the influence of religion. I mean, I get it, I get religion, I know why it works for some people. I respect their beliefs. Reading actual details of specific practices, particularly fundamental ones (spare the rod...), makes me queasy.
Current Mood: quixoticquixotic
19 February 2008 @ 08:07 am
I'm a really n00b atheist.

My husband is a liberal evangelical Christian and he wants to raise our daughter in the church.

After a good ten-month stretch where no one went to church for a while (yay) he started taking her to some churches without me (we both agree that the pastor that just took over the church we used to attend is EVIL). For a few weeks I sort of ignored this topic, and then he picked a church that made me REALLY uncomfortable. They sent a "follow-up" letter that made my skin crawl.

We had a big argument, and I convinced him to at least go back to a more established church that we had been to four years ago when we moved into our house (and a few times since). The agreement we came to was that I would come too.

Sunday, we all went. This is my first church experience as a post-Christian and I died a little inside. I also spent a lot of time wondering what they were teaching my preschooler, and that made my brain hurt too. But I felt the reality of the church community - one of the things that is so wonderful for believers, something that really shaped my adolescence. I miss that. However, I don't know if I can concede my beliefs just to have the sense of community.

Ack! I just really don't know what to do about this. I want to raise the kid to think for herself, which sort of precludes preschool (and early elementary) indoctrination. It doesn't help AT ALL that the sermon focused on belief in God, and believing God, and included a parable1 about a rich man who picks up every penny he sees on the ground, and his friends ask why. He says it has to do with the fact that a penny says "In God We Trust" and it helps him remember that God is more important than money.

"In God We Trust" was added to money later on, well after the founding fathers were gone, only consistently being used on coins starting in 1900s. In the 1950s it became important to distinguish the "religious" US from the "godless" communists, so "In God We Trust" was added to paper money, and "under God" was added to the pledge of allegiance. It's propaganda, pure and simple. The U.S. was *not* founded as a Christian nation. Most of the founding fathers were deists, not theists anyhow.

The church handed out pennies at the end of the service as well, which was irritating, saying "In God We Trust" with each penny handed out. I gave mine to the SO to give to the kid. I never realized that he'd make a point of telling her "because they say 'In God We Trust'" Grr. "God we trust", she parroted back. Luckily, when we got home she put them in her bank right away which ended the "god we trust" parrot after only twenty minutes or so.

I'm with Julia Sweeney. I wish I could do this. I wish I could go to church and not believe, but I'm listening to the words, and I'm irritated. The only thing I can think to do is to start talking with her about Bible stories and sort of classifying them as "not real," because kids get the cleaned up versions anyhow. Hell, the church regularly feeds all of us the cleaned up versions. I don't know how people who actually read the Bible stay in the church. They must have some better cognitive dissonance resolution than me.

1I've never noticed before, at least not consciously that a sermon is a series of parables itself. I don't know why I should be surprised at that, but I was.
15 February 2008 @ 02:27 pm
Part of the reason I started this LJ was to seriously think about god and religion. I know it hasn't been that long at all, but I'm the kind of person who seriously concentrates on something when it's bothering me.

I've been doing a lot of reading. Atheists have a bad rap as angry, amoral people. But atheism doesn't mean immoral and it doesn't necessarily mean angry.

I'm not angry. I'm pretty happy.

I've been listening almost nonstop to Julia Sweeney's "Letting Go of God" cd, and it has really helped gel my thinking. I'm also with her, in the idea that I don't really like to be labeled as an 'atheist' although I am. I prefer "humanist."

I recently saw a fellow atheist refer to herself as post-Christian. I'm about ready to take that step. Soon, I think.

Whether I will update this blog or not after that I'm not sure, but I'm sure I will still read the flist for a while.

But to be sure, this is not yet good bye. I'm not yet quite ready. But I think the time is coming soon to say goodbye to the closet.
09 February 2008 @ 07:03 pm
In response to this post, I again considered my beliefs.

Details below the magic cutCollapse )
31 January 2008 @ 09:09 pm
Because a conversation made me realize this right now.

The basis for my atheism is this:
When I was ten, I had my first period. Prior to this point, I had never imagined growing up to be an adult. Suddenly I was faced with the red reality of the world. I had my first thought that God had left me behind. I remember thinking, in honesty, that I had just been forgotten by God.

I never considered killing myself. I don't think my ten-year-old self understood that as an option, but I do know I fervently prayed to die, to escape having to grow up and be an adult.

I think that's my basis for believing that there is no God. Either there is no God, or God is a jerk who doesn't care about ten-year-olds who wish to die. Assuming option two, as a nearly thirty-year-old now, I choose to believe there is no God rather than the idea that God is a jerk.
Current Mood: calmcalm
31 January 2008 @ 07:18 pm
I'm not a recent convert to atheism, as the previous post suggests. I've been an atheist for about a year now. Well, agnostic with atheist leanings anyhow.

Why am I a chickenshit atheist though?
  1. My family is full of religious conservatives.
  2. I live in a somewhat conservative part of the US.
  3. Most of my co-workers are religious.
  4. Atheists are still the least trusted group by the general population.
My best friend keeps hinting that she would be completely "live and let live" if I did decide to de-closet myself. I'm on the fence though. Mostly because I'm thoroughly sure I don't want to have to defend myself against my young-earth creationist grandmother. However, she's going to be ninety this fall. That said, I'm not sure I want to disclose my atheism to my folks either.

I guess I'm a conflict-avoider. Really, I know I am. Perhaps when my folks are gone I'll come out to the world, but I can't see causing them pain at this point.
Current Mood: happyhappy
30 January 2008 @ 05:41 pm
Despite being an atheist in the closet, I'm actually really happy to be an atheist. Being an atheist means this life is all there is. This is it, this is the most important thing. I will only live beyond my death if I make an impression here and now.

I'm also a pastafarian, fwiw. I love pirates.
Current Mood: hungryhungry
29 January 2008 @ 08:07 pm
I have another LJ. I won't be telling you who or what or where, because, as my username suggests, I am a "closeted" atheist. In my regular, everyday life, I don't say anything about whether I do or do not believe in god(s). My SO is a born-again Christian, and thought I've told the SO that I'm a humanist, we haven't discussed what that means in terms of my belief (or non-belief) in god(s).

I live in a fairly conservative, religion-prone area of the US. I don't want my non-belief to affect my career or anything else about me, which is why I choose to keep this as anonymous as possible.

Being rather shy and somewhat of a conformist, I hate to say anything to anyone about my particular beliefs. This LJ is here to allow me to associate with other atheists but not lose the friends I have, as I'm very concerned I have some wonderful (but very conservative) friends on my other LJ's F-list that would abandon me if they knew I was an atheist.

Yeah, I'm chickenshit. I know it. What about you?
Current Mood: happyhappy